Why I Don’t Have A Girlfriend

My friend Darcy will tell you it’s because nobody wants me.

Maybe he’s right, I’ve never put it to the test.

Relationships are where you see Christian young people stuff up more than anywhere else. And they stuff up really big, so the topic deserves attention.

I’ve been asked plenty of times why I don’t have a girlfriend. Am I just a weirdo or a loser? (Again, always a possibility.)

Here’s my top five reasons. (If you already agree they might be useful ammo for you.)

1. It’s Not In The Bible

Nowhere in the Bible do we see it’s appropriate for a single guy to have a close relationship with a single girl – except when they’re pursuing marriage.

Not being in the Bible is not enough on it’s own to outlaw it, but it does set alarm bells ringing.

2. It Encourages Sin

As Voddie Baucham says, the strongest man, the wisest man and the godliest man who ever lived all sinned sexually. Dating and having a girlfriend promotes opportunities to fall into sin. And as Paul Washer says, we might be told to stand and resist the devil, but we’re told to run away from temptation.

3. It Defrauds Our Sisters And Brothers

Seeing it’s the guys job to lead, I’m going to write this one from our perspective. 1Timothy 5:2 says treat the younger women “as sisters, with all purity.” An improper relationship with a young lady (or even just flirting) can defraud her in lots of ways; it can fool around with her emotions; it can make her think you’ll commit to marrying her when you won’t; it can discourage other, more noble, young men from pursuing her for marriage; and more.

4.  It Degrades Marriage

Marriage is one of God’s primary institutions. Its strength is vital to a gospel community, family, church and more. (This is a topic I’ll cover much more.) Marriage is under attack everywhere; from politicians and perverts; from feminists and weak men; from the devil, and poor preaching. ‘Playing married,’ even if it’s only emotionally and not physically, does huge damage to marriage. It damages us personally as we give our heart away temporarily and it damages the church and society as we mock the importance of marriage.

5. It’s Not The Gospel

The amazing thing about marriage is – when it’s Biblical – it’s a picture of the gospel. Ephesians 5 tells us how the lifelong covenant of a groom sacrificially loving his bride, and her respectfully submitting to him is just like what Christ does for the church.

Obviously the majority of marriages don’t reach this goal of preaching the gospel just on how the husband and wife treat each other… but by God’s grace I want mine to. That should be our aim.

The biggest argument against dating, or ‘pairing off’ is that it doesn’t demonstrate the gospel. There’s not covenant keeping or sacrificial love. God is not glorified by it. In fact I believe it has the opposite effect.

Flirting

I’ve known young people who’ve taken a stand against dating, and so they become flirts.

When guys flirt they’re wimps. It’s giving girls a hint that you’re interested in them, without manning up and pursuing marriage.

When girls flirt they’re sensuous. Instead of waiting to be pursued by a man – which is the Biblical order – they’re trying to get things started.

Attraction

I’m 24 and single; that means I’ve had lots of years (well lots to me) to notice girls.

In a sense wanting a relationship has been one of the biggest issues I’ve fought against over the years. Not that I’ve been constantly on the verge of doing the wrong thing. Just it’s always been a desire and if (God forbid) I dropped my convictions, this would be the first thing to change.

I’ve been attracted to pretty girls. I want to flirt and tell my friends how lovely they look. I’d love to write sweet mushy letters. Romance is very appealing.

A Higher Goal

But on the other hand it’s not a burdensome struggle. I know there’s a better picture. A beautiful, God glorifying picture.

Jesus’ yoke is not a heavy weight. Ultimately all of His commands are for our own good and His glory. I’m delighted that He has given me convictions. Whether or not I get married (and I really hope I do) I want to do things His way more than anything.

Please share your convictions / standards and your reasons for them. I’d love to hear.

4 thoughts on “Why I Don’t Have A Girlfriend”

  1. I’m 24 and have been single all my life too. Another personal reason for staying single at this time & age is…You’re only single once. Single people have time & opportunities to learn and grow that married people don’t (or have little time to take advantage of).

  2. “Romance is very appealing.”

    It really is. Especially as I have friends courting or getting married, it’s hard to keep the contentment from being single. I’m running out of single friends to hang out with. lol

    Marriage and having a family seems to be the most beautiful and perfect thing, but at what cost? I see friends becoming so desperate for it they settle or seek after a spouse on their own. I truly feel sorry for some of the men who are now on the “radar” of my friend’s and their race to the alter.

    I have a lot of guy friends. I value those friendships, and they are also very helpful. I can’t go to most of my girlfriends and ask about a computer problem or just a different view on a biblical or political issue. However, I don’t treat any one guy more special than another and I try to avoid one on one conversations..I’ve even been known to awkwardly pull someone else in, that was just walking by, because I don’t want them to think I am singling them out.
    I ask myself- “Would I care if my future spouse____” Fill in the blank. Would I care if he was talking to a girl like this. Would I care if he thought about another girl like this. etc.
    I think a lot of these problems will vanish when I start courting, because now it’s just waiting for God’s man at God’s timing. Not falling into a trap of “I’m going to be an old maid, quick, grab someone!!!”

    I like the point you made about defrauding others brothers and sisters. You are only going to marry one person….so why are you flirting with him, him, him, him, and him? You have to use discretion. I tease my little brothers all the time, but teasing a guy friend can come across as “flirty” even if I don’t intend it to be. Girls know what they are capable of. Guys really aren’t flirty like girls are flirty. Guys seems to show interest and be a little more friendly, if they actually like you. Girls just flirt. They like the attention and probably have no interest in you, they just flirt. It’s really malicious now that I think about it.

    Guys need to man up and be the Knight in Shining armor and girls need to get off the dragon and back into the tower.

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