My friend Darcy will tell you it’s because nobody wants me.
Maybe he’s right, I’ve never put it to the test.
Relationships are where you see Christian young people stuff up more than anywhere else. And they stuff up really big, so the topic deserves attention.
I’ve been asked plenty of times why I don’t have a girlfriend. Am I just a weirdo or a loser? (Again, always a possibility.)
Here’s my top five reasons. (If you already agree they might be useful ammo for you.)
1. It’s Not In The Bible
Nowhere in the Bible do we see it’s appropriate for a single guy to have a close relationship with a single girl – except when they’re pursuing marriage.
Not being in the Bible is not enough on it’s own to outlaw it, but it does set alarm bells ringing.
2. It Encourages Sin
As Voddie Baucham says, the strongest man, the wisest man and the godliest man who ever lived all sinned sexually. Dating and having a girlfriend promotes opportunities to fall into sin. And as Paul Washer says, we might be told to stand and resist the devil, but we’re told to run away from temptation.
3. It Defrauds Our Sisters And Brothers
Seeing it’s the guys job to lead, I’m going to write this one from our perspective. 1Timothy 5:2 says treat the younger women “as sisters, with all purity.” An improper relationship with a young lady (or even just flirting) can defraud her in lots of ways; it can fool around with her emotions; it can make her think you’ll commit to marrying her when you won’t; it can discourage other, more noble, young men from pursuing her for marriage; and more.
4. It Degrades Marriage
Marriage is one of God’s primary institutions. Its strength is vital to a gospel community, family, church and more. (This is a topic I’ll cover much more.) Marriage is under attack everywhere; from politicians and perverts; from feminists and weak men; from the devil, and poor preaching. ‘Playing married,’ even if it’s only emotionally and not physically, does huge damage to marriage. It damages us personally as we give our heart away temporarily and it damages the church and society as we mock the importance of marriage.
5. It’s Not The Gospel
The amazing thing about marriage is – when it’s Biblical – it’s a picture of the gospel. Ephesians 5 tells us how the lifelong covenant of a groom sacrificially loving his bride, and her respectfully submitting to him is just like what Christ does for the church.
Obviously the majority of marriages don’t reach this goal of preaching the gospel just on how the husband and wife treat each other… but by God’s grace I want mine to. That should be our aim.
The biggest argument against dating, or ‘pairing off’ is that it doesn’t demonstrate the gospel. There’s not covenant keeping or sacrificial love. God is not glorified by it. In fact I believe it has the opposite effect.
I’ve known young people who’ve taken a stand against dating, and so they become flirts.
When guys flirt they’re wimps. It’s giving girls a hint that you’re interested in them, without manning up and pursuing marriage.
When girls flirt they’re sensuous. Instead of waiting to be pursued by a man – which is the Biblical order – they’re trying to get things started.
I’m 24 and single; that means I’ve had lots of years (well lots to me) to notice girls.
In a sense wanting a relationship has been one of the biggest issues I’ve fought against over the years. Not that I’ve been constantly on the verge of doing the wrong thing. Just it’s always been a desire and if (God forbid) I dropped my convictions, this would be the first thing to change.
I’ve been attracted to pretty girls. I want to flirt and tell my friends how lovely they look. I’d love to write sweet mushy letters. Romance is very appealing.
A Higher Goal
But on the other hand it’s not a burdensome struggle. I know there’s a better picture. A beautiful, God glorifying picture.
Jesus’ yoke is not a heavy weight. Ultimately all of His commands are for our own good and His glory. I’m delighted that He has given me convictions. Whether or not I get married (and I really hope I do) I want to do things His way more than anything.
Please share your convictions / standards and your reasons for them. I’d love to hear.